It is not explainable why we stay in a merciless place of lies and deception without any seeming trace of hope. The world around me depicted an image of a perfect life represented by flawless, prosperous and successful people I didn’t know and I didn’t care about. Everyone around me looked the same, spoke the same language, wore the same clothes and had the same misleading smile. The search for souls was in vain.
Yet, the nagging voice within kept reminding me of my inadequacy, lack of achievement and insecurities. You can’t live on words, poetry and literature. You are a dreamer without a face or reputation. I tried to fit in and put on a smile for everyone to see and indeed, the hurt subsided. It was all an illusion; a drug that made me feel on top of the clouds for short periods of time. How was I to keep it up when it was merely a shadow of the life I was after.
I feared being alone (in my head) for the thoughts were the same and the pain returned and persisted. It is much harder to change your thoughts than to change your actions and that is where everything starts and ends, in your head. If you let go of your truth, you let go of life; you let go of yourself and you will be a phantom of someone who never existed. Life will go on and you will love with half a heart and you will never feel complete.