In a moment I will not be anymore. I felt it in my aching bones and in my short breath. It will all be over soon and I knew it. Does it have to be this way? What if I could stay here for a moment longer? Will I be able to utter the words that have so long chocked in my throat out of fear and shame? It is too late. Give me more time, give me another chance and I will be the person whom I never had the courage to be. Inward freedom turned into outward cowardice. Whom do you live for? What do you live life for? I want to start all over again but I don’t know how and I don’t know where to start (pitiful maybe or rather hopeless).
The outside noise consumes my thoughts and devours my dreams, gnawing at the last morsel of a dying heart. Turn to the invisible world within to see who resides there. Turn to the world within and you might see me. A mysterious, limitless world where humming birds nest under my skin, mountains echo songs of innocence and where death is a beautiful woman welcoming passersby with eternal smiles.
And yet, a voice in my head faintly whispers words of redemption; no, not now. Not yet, for thoughts of dying unhappy are worse than the thought of living unhappy. One leads to the other but at the end of existence there are no more chances. It is all over and lived unhappiness is infinite. If I died tomorrow, would I die happy? Happy knowing that I did not betray myself, my spirit could not be crushed and that my last words are worthy of remembering. This could be the only sense in life; when the day must come, I would welcome it with a smile.